Father's day.

            As early as 12 in the morning, I’ve been receiving group messages that say “Happy Father’s Day!” and personal messages from those who do not know the story.

              I told myself that I am finally done with those dramas involving my father, but as I read my friend’s (Jam) entry, I just can’t help myself.

              Those days when you first throw me in the air. The day you sent me to school. I remember when you scolded me for going home late. The day you told me not to entertain suitors. That look of anger when you saw me wearing a skirt/shorts and make-up. And many more things. None of these happened.

               Every sms I receive today makes me want to make an entry for you but I decided to let this day pass because it’ll just be the same. Just the same song I’m going to listen to on iTunes, but what can I do? I never met you but you seem to give a big impact to my life.

                  I never had a curfew in my life. I never got grounded. Am I happy? Well, as they say, people tend to look for something they don’t have. I want curfew. I want to experience being grounded for going home late. I want to be scolded for going to parties and letting myself drown with alcohol. I want my allowance cut for not passing an exam. I want a very strict father than having none at all.

                I once got thankful for having no father because in that case, you won’t get to hurt my mother and I for having a mistress; you won’t make us angry for spending your time with no one but alcohol and gambling. There are a lot of things to be thankful of for not having you, but who am I lying to? Myself? I want a father. 

                I want to meet you. I find it difficult to trust a man who says he won’t leave me because I am scared that he won’t be there as what you did to my mom. There are a lot of things that could’ve happen the other way around if only you were there.

                I don’t know you. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where you are or if you’re still alive, but, sincerely, I want to thank your sperm (now, you’re a father to me) for giving me a chance to see the world. Happy father’s day! I hope you’re happy. And I pray to God to give us the chance to see each other before it’s too late.

(Written: 12June2011)