For A Mother and A Daughter? It's never too late

          I am starting to be, yes, a good daughter. I know I am somewhat old for this stuff but true enough, it's never too late. You see, I am no good at all - on being a friend, student, employee, housemate, orgmate or in this case, a daughter. Being a human is no excuse at all but not having the courage to do what's right is acceptable yet lame excuse.
         My mother is of the same specie; commits mistakes, misplaces the courage and gets confused sometimes or maybe most of the times. She committed a lot of mistakes in the past. In fact, a lot. When she was given the chance to change (aside from paying years without a normal life), it seemed that the world had turn it's back away from her. What was the chance given to her when she had no one to change for (except for herself)? What was there in second chances when no one believed you can give it try? I pity her.
        I know in the first place that those were all because of her, being irresponsible of what she was doing. But come on, she paid for her mistakes. Even if the payment meant, in a daughter's point of view, TAKING AWAY MY MOTHER!
        After the "payment" was done, I did not know what happened. It was like this "getting-used-to-things-you-have" and look for no one else. I got used to live my life without her and still, being a child, I wanted a mother, the real one, so I gave her the chance. You may ask how could I say that I gave her a chance when I was so young when she came back. Well, I just knew every detail of that night when she came back. I was in my kindergarten and maybe too young but I can still remember the sounds of laughters with my Inay, Ate Aileen and Tatay when a tricycle stopped in front of the house and a lady in black slacks with white long-sleeved top came down the vehicle. I told you, I can still remember. Try me!
         We lived a good life, as a mother and child. for a while. Sadly, yes, for a while. The "payment" may had caused a lot of changes. maybe the chances to have a good family was one of the things she wanted and she was not able to do it so she rushed, again, things and started a new family even if it meant having me, being left behind.
         The new family and my experience with it is a whole new story. But to catch up, she forgot that she had a daughter in me. She even told her friends that I am just a niece. It caused a lot of pain - more than what you can imagine. And still, I can remember the details - where and when and to whom she told that "niece thing".
         Being her daughter was never easy. Furthermore, being surrounded by people whose anger (for her) is higher than the tallest mountain on Earth is worse. And being brainwashed of how bad your mother was? It's the worst.
         On the other hand, I never got angry to my mother because of what others said. NEVER. I had deep anger but that was created between a mother and a daughter and not by some not-so-important-people-who-tried-to-run-ourlives. I was angry because I loved her and I was hurt. I was hurt because I thought it was the chance for us. In fact, I did not look for my father not until she had a child and gave her FULL attention to him.
         I lived my life getting what I needed but never what I liked. Well, not really. I loved my Inay and Kuya Teddy too much that when my mother asked me to come with her, I refused. But then again, the thought of having a daughter in me may really had slipped her mind.
         I remember when she told me that I have no one to run to when my Kuya Teddy and Inay are gone. That my friends and relatives would never mind. Amazingly, tears are now falling from my eyes. It pains me at the moment. It pains how a mother knows well and I just got to know it know. It pains when the world seems to be crumbling, she's the only person I know I can run to. It hurts that during my happiest moments, I never think of her. Feeling this way, I get to think if she feels that way, too. I got angry because she never thought of me but look what I've done? I am just the same person I used to hate.
         Now, I have a friend. I told her a secret. It was not easy. It took me a lot of time and courage to do so and when I did? No judgments. She just told me to be serious and not waste time. She told me to not feel bad because I fail to get just one of the things I could get. And she believed and believes that it's never too late.
         That moment was like a dancing in the rain of warm hugs and kisses even though we're apart. Now, when I get sick, it's her I first send a message to. I tell her what's happening (well, not that much. Hahaha.). Everything she says, I think of. It's unlike before that no matter how many words come out of her mouth mean nothing. Oh well, it's never too late.