One time, you’ll meet a guy who will sweep you off your feet; be there before you even ask him to; will drive you any time of the day just to make sure you’re safe and will get to where you are headed; will buy you and your friends some drinks; will be there at past one in the morning when your friends call him and say that you’re drunk though you all know, including him, that it’s not true; will take you for a road trip until the sun starts to shine and when you get tired you’ll just sleep in the car while he’s there, still driving because he’ll notice that you go deep in your sleep while the car is moving and when you finally are soundly asleep, he’ll park somewhere near your house; you’ll open your eyes and be terrified because oh glory! It’s almost 9am but all your worries will then be washed away as you feel his hand holding yours while he’s sleeping there in his driver’s seat and; will drive you back home.
Sweet. Sweeter than the oreo cheesecake and the choco java chip frappucino in a coffee shop. Sweeter than the black forest cake you’ve ever tasted. You’ll get what you always wanted – the sudden rush in your heartbeat, the sparkle in your eyes, the love.
You’ll go to bed and continue to fantasize what would the next days be with him. You’ll smile alone, you’ll even shout sometimes because of the excitement you know you just created. Before going to sleep, you’ll think deeply and before you even close your eyes, you know that it’s nothing serious. Even before the rendezvous, you know everything is just an old and torn apart book covered with a dazzling wrapper.
The worse thing is, you both know he’s an asshole and he even admitted it to you and you still choose to continue. Who knows? Oh geez! Haven’t learned any lessons from the past “who knows?” and “what if’s?” What if you’re the game he doesn’t want to play? AGAIN? You had the same question months ago, Dear. If you are the game he doesn’t want to play, why are you playing with him now?
Sweetest asshole as he said. You couldn’t agree more. You know that he is and that, you can never deny. Sweetest sin. Sweetest lies. Sweetest bullshits. How come these shits turn into a piece of cake when added with some sweetness, huh? The feeling you crave for. The taste you always want to indulge.
You know none of these lies will turn out into a splendid reality. None of these will work out. Still, you can’t even muster the will to step back because first of all, what is there to step back from when it’s just a normal thing for him? Secondly, why step back from a thing you pretend to be normal as well? Not convinced by your own pretentious game, eh? You can not back out. The show must go on. Stay friends. After all, that’s what this game is all about - convincing yourself that you’re just friends so there! Go on! Play hard and win the game!
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