Restless

          I feel so tired. All of a sudden, I feel like giving up. Not because of work or anything else but merely because I just want to be the way I used to be even though it means being unproductive. As early as now, I want to take a break. I want to sleep until I feel like leaving my bed. I want to go out whenever I want to. I want to be carefree. I want to go on bars and drink and dance all night and sleep all day.

          Now, I understand what they say – that it is really better (feeling) to be a student than to be in the working army. It is easier to spend money which isn’t yours. It is okay to go home late because you can choose not to attend classes next day.

          When you start working, everything turns to be different. You can’t just ask money from anyone because you are making your own whether it is enough or not. You can not enjoy the ride you were in during school days – eating out, buying the things you want, coffee, etc. – because it is very difficult to spend the money you make from your own sweat.

          Now, I understand when my Mom, Tita or Grandma used to say that I must not spend money as if I am just picking it from a tree. I understand why they get mad everytime I ask for an extra however, this isn’t an issue about money – just a realization. 

          I am so stressed out not because of the load of work I have but because everyday, I wake up at 4 in the morning and get ready for work and be in Makati by 8:30am. I have to be sent to terminal and ride a bus going to Buendia, ride a jeepney to Makati Ave. and walk going to the office. Every 7 in the evening (sometimes 8 or 8:30), I have to  walk then, ride a jeepney to LRT Buendia, bus going to Lipa and tricycle going home. By 10pm, sometimes 11, I’m home. Time for rest? Not yet. I still have to wash my lab gown so that I can wear it the day after next. Good thing I found my two lab gowns I used in college that makes my laboratory gowns four. Eat no more because my body is flying itself going to bed. Sleep? Not yet. ;)

          There, I said I never get tired, but my body just can’t lie more when weekend came and fever got high and cold came out and cough just got noisy.

          I couldn’t help myself but cry and said that I just want to stop working for a week and just sleep and watch movies and catch up with the series I left behind. I just thought of asking my tita that yes, this time I want to get your long-gone offer to go there to Europe. I just want to travel and study again.

            I want to get rich, of course and I know I will never be one if I got this kind of outlook but you see, I am just so damn tired. I was so workaholic since I started and there, my body just can’t get by.

        I don’t know where this is going but I just want to take a break or work a little nearer to where I go home. And oh, did I tell you that I am not physically fit for this? Yes. It’s just that they thought I am smart and can contribute a lot to this company and that ‘it’ is not contagious, so they hired me. I don’t know how to end this like I don’t know what to do next and like I don’t know how make the verbs in this post consistent. Hahaha. I feel so lazy to do some proofreading.

WRITTEN: 18JAN2012